Not Alone
by Jenn11
Summary: Collection of Alex and Thom Drabbles and one-shots.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Not Alone

Rating: K

Post ep for ep 1-7, The Recruit

Pairing: Alex/Tom

Tom holds me back, keeps me safe, as Robbie is taken away. I both love and hate him for it. Once the others are gone I turn in Tom's arms and bury my head in his shoulder. His strong arms hold me tight as I cling to him. Sometime later – Minutes? Hours? I don't know or care – Tom leads me away. We're soon in my room, and I collapse on the bed. He hesitates, and I take his hand, pulling him closer. I don't want to be alone. He lies down beside me, and holds me close. I nestle even closer. His solid warmth keeps me from shattering into a million pieces. Neither of us speaks, but neither of us sleeps either. We just lie here holding on to each other. Taking comfort from each other. Taking comfort in not being alone.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Many thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter. I'll keep this going as unconnected drabbles and one shots. Mostly Alex's POV, but some from Thom's POV.

Post ep 1x8 - Phoenix

Having sent Nikita the message, I go to my room, laying in bed, but not sleeping. I try to convince myself that kissing Thom had just been a tactic. A way to distract him while I slipped the pill into his pocket. But the emotions I still feel tell that for a lie. The warmth. The joy. The butterflies in my sThomach, that aren't just nerves from worrying about Nikita. The desire to kiss him again. My body aches with wanting to kiss him again.

I relive the first kiss Thom and I had shared. It had been… sweet. I'd hated to pull away, but known I had to. What Nikita and I are doing was more important than some… I'm not even sure of the right word. Crush? No. Connection? Yes. That's better. The connection I feel to Thom. The attraction. After tonight's kiss there's no way to deny the attraction.

I now understand how Nikita could have become involved with Michael. Not that I haven't understood the moment I saw him – damn, the man is good looking. And then he rescued my from that rapist/client. I'm sure his orders had been to let the creep do whatever he wanted with me, but Michael came in to protect me anyway. It was then that I began to feel… affection for Michael. To honestly like him. I think of Nikita as something of a big sister, and Michael is becoming a big brother. Especially after he protected me again a couple weeks ago.

But Thom… What is he? A friend? Yes. Perhaps the only person in here, other than Michael, who I can trust. Amanda certainly isn't. Not even Birkoff.

Thom is also some I… feel less lonely around. In Division we're around people all the time, but I still feel lonely. Except when I'm with Michael or Thom. At least I'll still see Thom, even though he's now an Agent.

Still, that doesn't explain our first kiss. I just couldn't stop myself. I didn't want to. I wanted that kiss. He may have started it, but I was a more than willing participant. Until I pulled away, which was a lot harder than I want to admit. And tonight's kiss I began as a distraction, but enjoyed too much to say that a tactic is all it had been. I was happy for the excuse to kiss him again.

I saw the flash of rejection and pain in Thom's eyes that first night, and it hurt, really hurt, to know I caused him to feel that. I hope tonight's kiss has undone that somewhat.

He's already risking enough by keeping quiet about finding my in Percy's office. He said he'd turn my in next time, but I know he won't. I don't want to put him in that position – force him to choose between doing what was best for him (turning me in), and protecting me.

Is this how it was with Nikita and Michael? Nikita never gave details about how far - emotionally or physically - her relationship with Michael had gone before she met Daniel and feel in love with him; but it was obvious the two cared for each other a great deal.

I was so happy and relieved that the target Thom had taken out ended up being a spy, even if Division hadn't known that when they sent Thom to kill her. Thom hasn't killed an innocent. He doesn't have blood on his hands. Images of his hands on my skin flash through my mind. I reluctantly force them away. I need to sleep…


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you so much for the kind reviews, and adding this story to your Alerts and Favorites. It really does inspire me to keep writing.

Post Ep 1-9: One Way.

This is from Thom's POV:

As I sit down to eat I can't help but hear a couple other Agents talking.

"Did you hear about that doctor?"

"The one who tried to rape a recruit? Yeah. Crazy."

"I heard he actually did rape her."

My heart is racing. Alex… I don't dare ask them if it was Alex. I can't show that I'm interested in a recruit. Not now I'm an Agent. It would put us both in danger.

I can't force down another bite. Can't even breathe. Throwing away the food, I hurry to Alex's room. She opens the door, and my eyes scan her. She doesn't seem upset or hurt.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine, Thom. What's wrong?" she asks.

"I heard a recruit may have been raped… Who?"

Her face softens, and she pulls me into her room. Not hard, since I'm not exactly resisting.

"I'm fine. He didn't do anything. Jaden got there and used his own sedative on him before he could hurt me," she says.

"Promise?"

"Promise. Jaden and I hate each other, but we're both women. I guess she couldn't watch him do that to another woman… even me."

I finally feel like I can breathe again, but my heart is still racing. And I'm alone in Nikita's room…

She steps close, leaning up to kiss my cheek. "I'm fine. Thanks for checking on me."

Knowing it wouldn't be good for me to be caught in her room, I reluctantly leave. I look back and see her staring out the small window in the door, watching me.


	4. Chapter 4

Post Ep 1-11: All the Way

Sooo sad that Thom is dead…

Cold. I'm just so cold. I haven't felt warm since… it happened. Since I killed Thom. It hurts just to think it. I feel like the bullet hit my heart. Some part of me did die with Thom. I hate how cliché that sounds, but it's true.

I wish it could have been different. I wish I could have at least told Thom the truth. I wish I'd told him how much he meant to me. I wish… I wish so damn many things. Most of all I wish Thom was still alive.

Amanda's noticed that I'm… reacting. She puts it down to me having to kill a friend. She told me that I can 'talk to her'. The only one I want to talk to is the only one I can never talk to again. Thom. I want to at least explain. I hate that he died not knowing the truth. I hate that he died.

My trainers have noticed how focused I am. How hard I go at any punching bag or opponent. They assume I'm picturing, Thom – the traitor. I'm picturing the traitor, but it's not Thom – never Thom. It's me. I'm the one I picture when I throw punches or take an opponent down hard.

I wanted Division gone before. Now even more so. It's because of his naïve loyalty to them that Thom and I got in the fight. I don't blame him for that loyalty. I blame them for deceiving him, and accepting a loyalty they never deserved. I blame myself for not making him see the truth. But I thought I was protecting him. That it would be safer if he kept believing Division's lies. How naïve I was. In the end, it wasn't Division he needed protection from. It was me…

Another shiver wracks me. Cold. So cold. So different from the heat that I felt when Thom held or kissed me. I'm not sure I'll ever be warm again.


End file.
